


The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Fear Itself

by NotOneLine



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: AU missing scene, Angst, Canon Divergence, Chloe KNOWS, Deception, Deckerstar - Freeform, Emotional Hurt, Episode: s04e02 Somebody's Been Reading Dante's Inferno, F/M, Heavy Angst, Lucifer (TV) Season/Series 04, POV Chloe Decker, Post-Devil Face Reveal to Chloe Decker, Rome - Freeform, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Vatican
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26272090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotOneLine/pseuds/NotOneLine
Summary: Chloe's visit to the Vatican proves to be the latest in a long list of useless enquiries into the Devil. No matter what evidence she uncovers, none of it bears any resemblance to the Lucifer she knows. Deeming her investigation to be a lost cause, she decides to give up and go home, hoping to reunite with the only man who can give her the answers she needs.That is, until something happens that might just change her mind...
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Trixie Espinoza, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 29
Kudos: 240





	The Only Thing We Have to Fear is Fear Itself

Rome is everything she ever pictured it to be and more. And yet... she doesn't see it, not really. _Can't_ see it, not with so many questions filling her mind every minute of every day. She can't remember the last time she slept for more than an hour. The slightest sound in the hotel room wakes her, from the click of the AC turning on, to her daughter rolling over in her sleep. She refuses to open her eyes, but by then it's already too late, her thoughts running around in circles until she passes out again from sheer exhaustion.

Circles that run around one thing. Him.

_Lucifer._

This was supposed to be an escape, a place to hide. The plan was simple; grab her daughter and flee, as fast and as far as possible. Europe seemed like the best option, at the time. Her mom had often filmed there during her career; she had connections, and money she was more than willing to throw at her daughter if it meant she would _finally_ take a vacation. Of course, her mom being, well, her _mom_ , it wasn't long until she joined them, and that was how they'd ended up here.

More specifically, that was how Chloe had ended up _here_. Sat in the Vatican library, surrounded by every book on the Devil she could find.

Investigating Lucifer gave her more questions than answers. These paintings, these books in languages she couldn't understand… they bore no resemblance to the man she knew. There was no connection there, nothing to tie these two seemingly very separate individuals together. Apart from his face, of course. That face she tried so very hard not to think about, especially on the nights she couldn't sleep.

But it wasn't just the face of the Devil she couldn't forget. It was Lucifer's face that haunted her; the memory of her partner, and the man she had loved. Still loved, maybe. It was another thing she couldn't allow herself to dwell on.

No, the research was all that was important. Someone, somewhere, had to have answers, independent of the one person she couldn't face asking right now. Where better to look than the church, right?

At least, that was what she thought, at first. The more she read on though… it left her feeling ill at ease, as if she were trying to pin the evidence of a murder on someone innocent of the crime. She couldn't picture Lucifer doing anything like this, despite the things she'd seen during their partnership. Yes, he was violent, short tempered, but underneath it all was a burning need for justice, the same need she recognised in herself. It was one of the things that made them work so well together.

She slammed the book she was reading shut with a groan, burying her face in her hands. What was she doing here? She wasn't learning anything, it wasn't helping _._ All she was doing was distracting herself from the truth.

And the truth was that she _missed_ him.

In that instant, she so desperately wanted to call him. He would answer, she knew he would. They could talk, he could answer some of her questions… or even better, maybe she should just go home. Pack a bag, and jump on the next flight. It wasn't like she had long left here anyway. Seeing him again, that could be exactly what she needed.

There was no way to deny the thought still scared her. But… she dealt with being scared every single day, had done since the first time she stepped out onto the streets of Los Angeles on patrol. She could get past it, she _had_ to. Because despite everything, Lucifer was still Lucifer, wasn't he?

Logic told her he must be. That the last few years couldn't have been a lie. The Devil existed, it was true, but the fear that knowledge brought didn't make any of the stuff in front of her _real._ Did it?

The sound of a shoe scuffing on the floor was all the warning she had.

"Detective?"

The blood in her veins turned to ice. It wasn't him. It couldn't be. How was that even possible? Had he read her mind somehow? Sensed her wish to talk to him and… poof! Just like that, he's halfway across the world in an instant?

Slowly, she lifted her hand from her hands, dreading what she might see. She couldn't decide what would be worse; the creature she had last seen standing over Pierce's body, or her partner, looking at her with concern and… maybe even _love?_

But it was neither. Lucifer stood before her, yes, but there was nothing in his eyes when he looked at her. No recognition of her distress, no indication of his own. Just emptiness. Lucifer had never been good at hiding his emotions, not when it came to her. The thought that he now could, left her feeling unsettled in a way she didn't want to examine too closely.

His eyes narrowed as he observed her, before his attention landed firmly on the reference materials spread out across the table.

"Why the Vatican?" he asked, gesturing to the books and darkened archways that surrounded them, neither the fading daylight from the windows high above nor the candles dotted around the library able to combat the shadows that lurked in every corner.

She expected to hear disappointment in his voice. Hurt, even. After all, she was in the Vatican for—for _someone's_ sake. And although she had learned very little here, one thing was clear. The Devil was hated and reviled by all within these walls. Yet this was the place she had chosen to investigate him. And while she couldn't predict the future, especially for the two of them… she had hoped it was something he would never find out about.

But now he knew… and she didn't know whether to feel guilty or terrified about that.

Lucifer made the decision for her.

"Did you think I wouldn't find you here, Detective? Did you think you were safe from the Devil?"

It took a second for his words to sink in. _Safe_. Was he saying she wasn't safe? _Or,_ whispered the part of her still determined to defend him, _maybe he was just hurt?_ Hurt that she could have ever thought he was dangerous in the first place?

"So, how is Italy?" he asked, switching tones completely, as if he hadn't just made her question her safety. As if everything between the two of them was exactly the same as it had always been. "It must be nearly 2000 years since I last visited. As I recall, I had quite the explosive time in Pompeii."

She didn't have an answer for that. The way he was talking, it totally threw her. How could he stand here, acting as if nothing had happened? Was this his way of dealing with it? Just… pretending that her world hadn't been forever changed? That hanging out with the Devil, solving crimes together, should just be a thing that was _normal_ for her now?

When she didn't reply, his eyes flickered down to the book she'd been reading, and then to her phone that lay beside it. "Your child seems to be enjoying it," he said, quite conversationally, but that simple sentence was enough to set her heart racing. Simple words that carried a weight so much more than they implied, a weight that left her reeling, the frantic _thud, thud, thud_ of her pulse the only thing she could hear.

_He'd been watching Trixie. The Devil had hunted down her daughter._

She wanted to scream, to shout at him, but panic stole the words from her mouth, leaving her silent and breathless.

He grinned at the sight of her, relishing in the way her body trembled, betraying the fact she knew exactly what he was implying. Gleefully, he continued. "I don't believe I've ever seen someone consume such a large amount of gelato before. It was good of Penelope to watch her, although I doubt your abandonment has gone unnoticed."

She flinched. Lucifer knew her well, too well, and it meant he knew exactly where her weak spots were. Not spending enough time with her daughter, both here and back home, was definitely one of them. That Trixie would one day grow up and resent her for spending so much time at work, was one of her greatest fears. And not an unfounded fear, either. After all, she herself had once felt that way, back when her mom would be away filming for months on end.

Still, she found herself trying to protest the accusation. "I—" she started, but he carried on talking as though she hadn't spoken at all.

"Choosing this place over her though, really? I thought you were a detective, _Detective?_ Is this your usual investigative technique when I'm not around, researching your suspect in a place they despise him? Hardly a fair trial, wouldn't you say?"

And now he was aiming for her insecurities about her work. Why was he doing this? Had she really hurt him that badly? _She_ was the one dealing with having her life, and everything she had ever believed in turned upside down, not him. She was the one who had always been honest with him from the start. Too honest, considering he was nothing but a stranger to her at first. But he'd wheedled his way in with his charm and good looks, and she let him. She let him into her life, and in return, he refused to grant her that same honesty, keeping an entire side of himself hidden away.

Not that she had exactly looked hard for it.

It was enough to make her think that maybe he was right. That maybe she was no detective after all.

"I can save you some time there though."

She braced, waiting for the excuses, the explanations, protestations at how unfairly he was portrayed by the priesthood and the church as a whole. What she got, however, was the last thing she expected.

"They're right."

" _What?"_ she breathed, her disbelief overcoming her shocked silence.

He shrugged, the blackness that was his eyes twinkling in the candlelight. "They're right. All of this"—he pointed at the multiple depictions of a red faced beast spread out before her, locked in battle with the Heavens—"is true."

"No. _No_ ," she said, shaking her head insistently, firm in her denial. "You said—"

His laughter echoed into the eaves. And yet, despite that, nobody approached them. She looked around, but if there were any other library goers still here, she couldn't see them. It felt like there was a bubble around them now, filled with such darkness that it repelled all might dare to draw near.

"I lied, Detective. It's what I _do._ Surely your investigation has told you that? The Prince of Lies, the evil banished from Heaven, unworthy of his Father's love." He took a step closer, and she instinctively shrank back into her chair. "It was all a lie. _All of it._ Do you honestly think that I—a celestial, an immortal, a _king_ —could ever have feelings for a human? And more specifically, for _you?"_

She winced, tears welling up in her eyes. This was like Candy all over again. Unbidden, the thoughts that had tormented her after he ran to Vegas and threw away everything they had together returned in full force. How he discarded her, in favour of a woman so much her opposite that she felt stupid for ever believing even for a second that she was the one he wanted to be with. Lucifer's next words only confirmed it.

"My life was a party before you came along. I indulge in sin, Detective, in pleasure, lust, _desire_. You inspire none of these things. A single mother, a failed actress well past her prime… what exactly gave you the impression I could find any of that appealing, when I could have anyone I choose?"

" _You_ did," she said, attempting as best she could to keep her voice from wavering, blinking repeatedly so as to stop herself from crying. She refused to break down, not in front of him. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"Ah, but as we've already established, I'm a _liar."_ Tilting his head to the side, he slowly looked her over, a small smirk developing on his face. "But you knew that, didn't you? Deep down? You can't deny it, you always saw it. The evil, the _monster_ inside of me. And you, _Detective"_ —he spat the word viciously, so terribly different from the Lucifer she thought she knew, the Lucifer she could never have imagined speaking to her this way—"chose to ignore it. Again. Just like you did with your ex-husband, just like you did with Cain. Tell me, what is it about murderers that turns you on so?"

Her chair scraped loudly against the floor as she pushed it back, rage momentarily overcoming the whirlwind of self-doubt plaguing her mind. Her hand twitched as she stood, the urge to slap him growing with every second. " _How dare you,"_ she hissed. "You were the one that pursued me, _not_ the other way around. And yes, I may have fallen for your lies, for _all_ of your lies, but part of loving someone is believing in them. I won't apologise for that."

Too late, she realised what she had said. She could only watch with horror as his expression turned to one of pure delight. "Oh, you _love_ me!" he cried jubilantly, placing a hand over his heart, the fake sympathy on his face sending a wave of revulsion through her. "I knew you had feelings for me, I certainly knew you _wanted_ me—all you humans do, after all. But _love?_ For _me?_ I really had you fooled, didn't I?"

She wished she could pretend it didn't hurt. That he wasn't standing there, ripping her heart out, without a care in the world. But then his face changed, softening, the condescension in his eyes disappearing as he reached across the table, raising a hand to her cheek. She recoiled at first, but she was too slow, his fingers making contact as his thumb gently stroked her skin, wiping away the wetness there. And she tried not to lean into the warmth of him, she _did_ , but it was an automatic response now, her body always unconsciously seeking his, no matter where they were or what they were doing.

"And I guess…" he said, smiling fondly, "if I'm honest with myself, _Chloe_ …"

The heat of his skin disappeared as he pulled his hand away, wiping it off against the sleeve of his jacket. All traces of her partner vanished in an instant, with only calculating cruelty left in their place. "You were nothing more than a means to an end," he said coldly, his lip curling with something that, try as she might to deny it, looked like disgust.

Her heart might be breaking, but she still had to ask, couldn't stand not knowing, not when she was so lost in this new reality of gods and angels, a universe she could never hope to fully understand. "What end?" she said, intending for it to sound like a demand, but any strength it might have carried was weakened by the way she couldn't help but choke part way through.

His expression didn't change, his face void of the teasing smirk she would have normally expected to accompany what he said next. "Well, that's for me to know, isn't it? I'd say and for you to find out, but that would take a better detective than you, and we both know it."

She closed her eyes, unable to bring herself to look at him anymore. It didn't help though, the venom he was spouting crawling under her skin, seeking her innermost worries and sending them spiraling. She heard him take another step forwards, and in turn, she blindly took one away, stumbling into her chair. When she opened her eyes again, he was leaning over the desk, staring at her with what she could only describe as a mix between disdain and _pity._

"In the meantime, perhaps I'll let you wonder, hmm? Am I here for you? For your daughter? For both of you, perhaps? Maybe I'll drag her down to Hell first, and make you watch. Or the other way around? Yesss, that might be better. You know what it's like to lose a parent. Imagine poor Beatrice, living the rest of her life knowing she'll never see her mother again, as she rots in Hell, right where she belongs."

"Stop it." Her voice was barely a whisper, her attempts to stay strong failing as the shadows seemed to draw in around her, his words like pinpricks upon her skin, finding her weak spots and digging in deep. "Just _stop it."_

"Oh, but what if I don't let her watch at all? The _pain_ of knowing that her mommy chose me over her, that she willingly left her all alone, just like all other those nights, and days, because there was always something more important. I wonder if it was worth it, Detective. The pointless stakeouts, the dinner dates, the drinks in my club? What do you think? Was it worth the pain, the loneliness you caused her?"

She shook her head, but whether it was a denial or just her trying to rid herself of what he was saying, she didn't know. The desire to jam her fingers in her ears was overwhelming. She couldn't take much more, her heart hammering in her chest as her hands reached out fruitlessly behind her, searching for something to hold onto for support.

"Oh, but I'm sure you tell yourself you're a good mother. What parent _wouldn't_ leave their child in the company of a demon, after all?"

Despite her the way her heart constricted at that, she still glared at him, watching as he held up his hands in mock defeat. "Yes, yes, you didn't know, I'm perfectly aware. But you still knew what Maze _was_. You knew what she was capable of, how dangerous she can be. And yet you welcomed her into your home, let your daughter love her like another parent. Well... the kid deserves one, I suppose."

Something about the way he said that caught her attention, almost breaking her out of the near hysteria she had fallen into. She tried to focus on it, to use it as an anchor to ground herself, but it slipped through her fingers as he advanced unexpectedly, throwing the table that had acted as a barrier between them until now, out of his way with one hand. Her books and papers scattered through the air, but she didn't even notice as she staggered away from him, almost tripping over her chair as she sent it tumbling to the ground.

"There's so many ways I could hurt her," he growled, those dark eyes piercing her soul, his presence surrounding her until he was all she could see, hear, _feel._ "Mazikeen too. And whose fault would it be? Little innocent Trixie didn't invite the Devil and a demon into her life, no, _you_ did that."

He suddenly lunged forward, stopping just short of where she stood. In her haste to escape his grasp, she fell to the floor, crawling backwards until her back hit the table behind. But he didn't follow. Instead, he smiled triumphantly, and nodded to himself. But as quickly as the smile had come, it was gone, and he fixed her with his eyes once more. When he moved towards her this time though, she had nowhere left to go. He loomed over her, the atmosphere around them growing heavy, a stifling weight upon her chest.

Her breathing became short, her hands starting to claw at her throat as she gulped at the air. Her legs kicked out at him, but it was useless, her body so frail now that she could barely land a blow. She whined helplessly as he stared down at her, his features emotionless again. "I shall come for you, Chloe Decker," he said without mercy. "I shall take you, and your child, and show you horrors you can't even imagine. And then, I shall take the world too."

He crouched down, reaching for her once more, and this time, she had no fight left in her to deny him. She felt weak, defenceless, the pain in her chest from where the air burned in her lungs all consuming. He tucked a finger under her chin, bringing her face up to meet his, his touch sending a chill through her like no other.

" _And it will all be your fault."_

The world around her started to go dark. All that was left was his eyes boring into her, brimming with hatred and fury.

"Shall we begin?" she heard him ask, and that was when she knew. Knew exactly what was coming, and just the thought of it was enough. Terror took hold in one sweeping blow, and she jammed her eyes shut before it could happen, before his eyes turned to fire and his skin melted away. She couldn't see it, didn't want to see it, not again, not again, _not again..._

Her last breath failed her, and all went silent.

...

She opened her eyes to the sunset slowly beginning to filter through the windows. Her vision was blurred, her mind foggy. _What happened?_ she thought to herself, rolling her shoulders and starting to stretch out the ache she felt in her bones.

And then she remembered.

It hit her all at once, the guilt, the dread, the _fear._ Frantically, she looked around the room, searching for any sign of Lucifer. But she saw nothing. He was gone. And yet, that knowledge gave her no respite. Her chest felt tight, and there was a tremor running through her body that she couldn't seem to stop. The need to run was still there, fighting for control, but she resisted, for now. He had to have had a reason to come here, other than to scare her. He had to have been after _something…_

It wasn't until she started rifling through the papers laid out in front of her that she realised. She was still sitting at her desk. Her desk, which hadn't moved, in a chair that hadn't fallen to the floor. Her papers were untouched, exactly the way they were before…

Before she must have fallen asleep.

With a sigh, she dropped her head into her hands, only then allowing herself to feel some relief. It was a dream. No, a _nightmare._ Just like the countless amount before it. Only now she'd let herself get to the point where she was falling asleep in the middle of the day, granting Lucifer access to torment her at any hour he chose.

No, that wasn't fair. He didn't choose anything. She was tormenting herself, wasn't she?

Yet she still couldn't shake the anxiety that had taken hold of her though, not completely. It had all seemed so _real_.

What if he was actually here? Or what if, somehow, he had power over her dreams? She'd certainly had enough dreams about him in the past, although those were decidedly of a more pleasurable nature. But what if that was all down to him? What if he was back in Los Angeles, right now, projecting himself into her head? Or worse, here in Rome, waiting for the next time she was alone.

Pushing her panic aside as best she could, she checked her watch. It was nearly 8pm already, 11am in Los Angeles. Exactly the time Lucifer would usually come rolling into the station if she hadn't called him in already by that point. Sometimes to check if they had a case—as if he couldn't just use a phone for that—and other times, she suspected, just to _be_ with her. He always hid it under some flimsy excuse, of course. His bi-weekly prank on Dan was due that day, or the bakery he just happened to pass had donuts that needed to be shared with his colleagues that instant. Whatever the reason though, it never took long before he gravitated to sitting by her desk, talking non-stop about whatever was occupying his brain that day, endlessly distracting her from paperwork.

It was a welcome distraction, once. A small indication of the feelings about her that he kept so well hidden, one that made her feel warm inside, no matter how busy she was, or how much he was putting her behind.

But now she wondered if that was ever really the reason he was there at all.

And just like that, it wasn't enough to tell herself it was a dream. She had to _know_ , know that the Devil was still where she left him, and that he hadn't just hunted her down and turned her waking hours into a living nightmare.

She pulled out her phone with still shaking hands. This wasn't exactly the place for this, but maybe if she kept her voice down low, she wouldn't be heard. It wasn't as if she'd even seen that many people over the last few hours; put off, she assumed, by the grisly images covering the table. They hadn't bothered her at first. Now though? Now they felt more horrific than any crime scenes photos had ever been.

Inwardly grimacing at how much this was going to cost her, she dialed Ella. There wasn't even a question of whether she would be in work or not. Most days the forensic scientist was there before most of the department even stepped in the building, keen to get on with the work of what Chloe was pretty sure most precincts would have an entire team dealing with.

The phone only rang three times before her friend picked up, her excited squeal causing Chloe to yank the phone away her ear, and an ironically loud, " _sssh!"_ to be aimed at her from somewhere across the room. Turning the volume down, she slid from her seat, surreptitiously making her way into a darkened corner where, hopefully, she wouldn't be spotted.

Despite Chloe's lack of response, Ella was still happily chattering away when she pressed the phone to her ear again. It was somewhere in the middle of her enquiries as to the standard of men in Europe that Chloe finally lost her patience, too keyed up to humour her friend right now. Besides, there was only one man she was interested in. Even if in reality, he wasn't a man at all.

"Ella!" she said, finally managing to get a word in edgeways. The sound of her own voice made her wince; it was far too harsh and closer to snapping than she meant it to be. But the uncertainty was still clawing at her skin, and she couldn't rest until she knew for sure. "Is Lucifer there?"

He probably wouldn't be, she knew that. But the precinct was really the only place she could check. LUX was definitely off the list, and, next to Lucifer, Maze was the last person—demon—she wanted to speak to. The odds of him being with Linda were slim; it wasn't his scheduled day for therapy anyway.

 _Urgh,_ she thought, leaning her head back against the cool stone wall as she waited for an answer. _When had she reached the point where she knew the Devil's weekly routine?_

She tried not to think about it, listening to the familiar, comforting sound of the bullpen filtering down through the call as Ella opened the door from the lab.

Without her there, there was no reason for Lucifer to be, not really. Oh, sure, he'd worked with Dan in the past, but from what little she had spoken with her ex-husband since leaving for her 'vacation', those days were long gone. Some part of her wondered if Dan now saw in Lucifer what she never could. _The Devil._

"Yep, he's still there, just like always!" Ella said cheerfully. Whether she just hadn't noticed Chloe's tone, or was purposefully trying to ignore it, Chloe had no idea. The background noise cut out as the door clicked shut again. "Is his phone not working or something? Hey, do you want me to go get him? He'll probably be leaving soon and—"

"No, no, Ella, it's fine, really."

It was a dream. Lucifer was in LA, not here. It wasn't _real_. She repeated those words in her mind as Ella's next lot of words washed over her, something about Lucifer and missing her and him looking a mess… None of it really sank in as she sagged further against the wall, closing her eyes and letting some of the tension drain out of her.

But there was one thing her friend had said that was nagging at her, and she couldn't let it lie. "What do you mean, 'he's still there'?" she asked cautiously. "Lucifer doesn't normally even get in until now."

Ella sucked in a breath. "Decker… have you not spoken to him at all? _Ooof._ That actually explains a _lot."_

"Explains what, Ella?" A shadow moved across the end of the aisle she was hiding in, and she pushed herself a little further into the corner. It had been hard enough getting access to this place as it was; the last thing she needed was to get kicked out again.

"Chloe, Lucifer has been turning up here at 9am on the dot every single _day_ these past couple of weeks. At every crime scene too. He waits one, maybe two hours in case you turn up, then he gives up and goes home again. It's kind of sad to see, actually. You're sure you don't want to talk to him?"

She could picture him there so easily. Spinning around on his chair, messing with her files, insisting that whisky was exactly what her dying plant needed and 'watering' it every time she so much as looked away. And now… he was waiting for her.

"Chloe?"

"N—No, like I said, it's fine. And… could you not tell him I called, please?"

She heard Ella sigh, and immediately felt bad for asking. At some point, the pair of them had developed a relationship that meant Ella looked at Lucifer like he was her brother now. Which for someone as devout as she was—

Her gut clenched. Should she be telling Ella? Warning her? Lucifer had never given any indication that he would harm her, harm any of them really, but…

"Okay, I promise. But seriously, chica… what happened between you two? I mean, yeah, there was that whole thing with Pierce, and it was awful, and I can't even imagine how you feel about that. We're all still trying to get over it, but this… it seems like something _more_ , you know?"

The thought that she should tell her died almost as quickly as it had began. There was no way Ella would believe her, especially not over the phone. Nobody believed it when Lucifer himself told them who he was; how could she expect Ella to buy such a tale from a cop who had fled halfway around the world after her former fiance was murdered, and without proof, no less? _She_ wouldn't have, that's for certain. Hell, she _didn't,_ not even with all the evidence she had seen with her own eyes over the years. Evidence that now taunted her, a constant reminder that, just like so many times before, she had ignored the signs that the man she loved wasn't all he claimed to be.

"I can't talk about it, not yet. I… I just need some time."

"How much time though? You are coming back, right? Because Lucifer, he's starting to worry that—"

"I am," she said, cutting her friend off. She didn't want to hear anything more about Lucifer right now, she _couldn't._ The idea of going home, of seeing him again, it no longer inspired that same stirring of hope she had before. Now, the thought of it filled her with such anxiety, it left her feeling physically sick. "I need another week, maybe two." Internally, she worried about how well that was going to go down with the new lieutenant. The department had been very understanding over her need to take time off after everything that had happened, but even they had limits.

She just wasn't ready though. For any of it. It had taken her subconscious to make that clear to her.

"Take all the time you need," Ella said kindly. "Whatever it takes to get you back here where you belong. We miss you, girl! We _alllll_ miss you."

She really didn't need to put the emphasis on 'all' for Chloe to know who she was talking about. Hadn't she just been thinking earlier that she missed him too? It felt like a long distant memory. One she wasn't so sure about anymore.

Suddenly, she heard another voice. "Miss Lopez? I'm just—"

 _Lucifer_. Hearing his voice so soon after her nightmare… it sent a violent shudder up her spine, her hands trembling so much she almost sent the phone in her hands crashing to the marble tiles below.

"Ella, I've got to go," she forced herself to say, swiping at the screen to disconnect the call. But she missed, and her second attempt wasn't quite fast enough to avoid hearing Lucifer's next words.

"Is that the Detective?" he asked, and her heart shattered at how much _hope_ there was in his voice. She didn't hear Ella's reply through, promptly cutting off the call before he could try something that was so typically him, like jumping on the line.

The second she was alone again with her thoughts, it all came rushing back. His face, the way he spoke to her in her dream, leaning over her scrambling body, poised to attack… she started to hyperventilate, and this time, her phone did slip through her fingers as she bent over double, her hands gripping her knees tightly as she tried to remember how to breathe again.

_IN._

_You're safe._

_OUT._

_He's not here._

_IN._

_He was never here._

_OUT._

_Trixie is safe._

_IN._

_You'll keep her safe._

_OUT._

_He doesn't know where you are._

_IN._

_He won't find out where you are._

The last one was a lie, she knew. After all, even if he couldn't find her himself, he had the best bounty hunter she had ever known practically on staff. A demon. A demon she had let look after her daughter.

The lie helped though, and gradually, her heart rate slowed, her breathing steadying. When she came back to herself, she realised that at some point her legs had given out, her body sliding down the floor until her head rested on her knees. Her jeans were wet from tears she hadn't even known she was crying.

How could she ever face him again like this? And if she couldn't, how would she get him out of her life? He'd proven right from the start that he had no intention of leaving her alone. All she wanted to know now though was _why?_

Gradually, before anyone could stumble upon her like this, she gathered herself up from the floor, making her way back to her desk on unsteady legs. When she sat down again, the sight of the materials on the tabletop sent another spike of horror shooting through her. It all seemed so much worse now, so much more _real_.

She checked her notepad, skimming through the list of books the custodian had recommended when she first made her enquiries. Then, she glanced at her watch again. She'd already missed dinner, and by the time she made it back to the hotel, Trixie would already be in bed. That meant she could afford to stay another hour or two, at least until the library closed.

It was time to re-examine everything with fresh eyes. This terror she felt… it hadn't just come from nowhere. Something deep inside was trying to warn her. _Trust yourself,_ the Devil once told her. Well, she would.

Especially when it came to him.

Wearily, she returned to the shelves, pulling out some more books and piling them on the table. Steeling herself, she selected one at random, opening it up to be confronted with yet more images of Hell. A Hell that probably awaited her now, her punishment for consorting with the beast.

Because he was a beast, wasn't he? A _monster_. She'd seen it with her own eyes, and evidence didn't lie.

Her dad had told her once that fear was a liar. That she had to ignore it, and concentrate on finding the truth of things. Over the years, she'd learned to do just that, boxing it away in a corner of her mind, refusing to let it cloud her judgement.

But things had changed.

And as much as she hated herself for being afraid, her dad didn't know the same things she did. Hell, the Devil, eternal damnation… they were all real. And her feelings for Lucifer… they were based on a lie. They had blinded her more than fear ever did. _He_ had blinded her. But now, she knew better.

Now she knew that she was right to fear him.

For her dad had been wrong. Fear wasn't a liar.

It was the only thing she had left that was true.

...

High up in the library gallery, a lone figure emerged from the shadows. He watched as the priest approached the blonde haired woman below from behind, reveling in the way she jumped when he placed his hand on her shoulder.

She stood, and it took less than a minute before she nodded, following her new-found saviour out into the courtyard. An acquiescence he believed she would have not made so easily, had he not intervened.

But intervene he did, and now God's miracle now walked on the path to her salvation.

Or her destruction. He could care less, now that her betrayal was inevitable.

As the woman disappeared from view, he spread his wings, picturing the pain and torment yet to come.

And Michael smiled.


End file.
